So very sorry for being angsty and generic

    Something within crumbles, every little byte and moment profound and outright.

    A senseless waste of nothing but yesterdays thoughts and memories returned in fleeting flight.

    Dredge out some solid mass of solemnity, carry out an order unjust.

    These simple somethings inundate us in lust.

    A featureless trifle the above, couples, rhymes, tricks and clever words. Is this what obsession amounts to after so much energy spent? An existence of favors and work, obligation and trial, this is not what youth promised. A simple and pretentious quote of The Bard "I am spent."

    What is this unending drumming in the mind then if not a drive toward this end, this written word, and with drive so strong is not some sense of accomplishment eventually deserved? Sisyphean though the goal of any sort of recognition or merit may be, the feeling now emerging from my hemp cocoon is very much the moment of the rock again rolling back down the hill. Having wasted much to much time in mourning for and hiding from a idea still not quite in clear focus, but at least now an image of some reality and not simply a string broken promises to a sorely missed friend. The vivid moments of every second my good friend has been gone haunt every last corner of a mind composed only of a ring, in that debts, in the form of promises, exist not only as unfulfilled dreams but simple bits of education that can never be reviewed or re-taught, wisdom forever lost thanks only to my own selfish and flippant dreams. Accomplishments never acknowledged are the plight of every father-son relationship, but when the last things remembered are a smile and a pint and a knowing approval of all these broad plans and dreams, two and half years later it becomes a great and terrible splinter behind the eye to look around and see none of those broad plans and dreams even in motion. All that's changed is the ability to maintain a healthy relationship and a dog, and sure the dog is cute and the relationship is still healthy but for all else there seems nothing but disappointment in those long gone gray eyes, and the sinking fear that deep down these feelings never go away.

    Thank you and I do miss you so sorely.